Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
