Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
