I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
