after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
