So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Someone shattered a urinal.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
