no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
