i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
