just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
