She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
