Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
