I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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