I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
