I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
