If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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