i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
