the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
40s are totally the cure
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
