we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
