Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
