Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
