i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
