thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
