she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
