3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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