Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
