My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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