i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
