I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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