The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
