i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
