we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
