he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
