Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He did a backflip because drugs
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