Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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