That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
