Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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