Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fuck appropriateness.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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