you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
