I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
