weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
