At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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