I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
