I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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