i used baking grease as lip gloss
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize