Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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