Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
try to milk me bitch
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