i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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