This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
