the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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