So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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