there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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