Pappa wants mamma naked
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
