Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
