are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
