How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
