I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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