real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
