nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
