so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
