i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
