I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everyone says I win the strip club
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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