he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
