Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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