smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
