I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's always time for handjobs
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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